Closer Than Ever
by ColdComfort4
Summary: While on a raid, Ian is caught by a group of Seekers. How far is Wanda willing to go to get him back?
1. Caught

**AN: This chapter is supposed to confuse you a bit, so don't feel like you're missing something. All will be explained later, I promise.**

**Huge thanks go to my betas, bookish327 and Elessar1201. They have given me tons of insights and suggestions so that I can't wait to really get to work on chapter two.**

**I don't own The Host. I don't own Ian. I don't own Wanda or Mel or anything. It's all Stephenie Meyer's.

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It would begin with the end. I had been warned. Still, the memory that pulled me under was so strong it caused me fear. For what, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I was afraid.

_The night is cool with the sun down. We are at a higher elevation than the caves, and air here is thinner, already showing the first signs of fall._

_"I got it. Go back to the van."_

_Jared grunts at me but obeys. I insisted that Wanda stay in the van with Melanie, so I am all alone on the black pavement. The silence is almost eerie. We had come to a tiny station in Snowflake, and there are no ships leaving at this hour of the night._

_I cradle the small tank in my arms as I creep toward a crate. I lay it very carefully among the group labeled for the dolphin planet. Wanda thought Pet might like it there. She was so protective of these other souls; it made me almost love them too._

I smiled with my new body as it remembered the face with tenderness. The memory face smiled at me, too, before the memory switched gears abruptly.

_The sound of tires on the road brings my head up. Jared was supposed to wait by the hanger. Why was he picking me up?_

_It takes just a second for everything to fall apart._

_It takes just a second for the police cruiser to come around from behind the stacks of crates._

_It takes just a second for the headlights to shine in my face._

_Instinct takes over. I run._

_I'm not really paying attention to where I'm going, escape the only thought in my mind. So it isn't until I can clearly hear the yells from the car next to me that I remember the pill in my pocket._

_Is this all there is left?_

_Wanda. My poor, sweet Wanda. I don't want to leave her alone._

_No time to think of that. Run!_

_I sprint around the side of one of the small holding hangers, praying that Jared has seen me and will take the girls to safety. Of course he will; he would never let Melanie be in danger. Not again._

_I'm in an alleyway between two buildings. The car cannot follow here. If I can just make it to the end..._

_Another car pulls up, blocking my exit. Damn! The Seekers must have called for backup. My hand goes into my pocket, searching for my pill..._

_No! _ Even though I knew that he had failed in his attempt, I felt the violence of preparing for suicide as though I was still there running down the alley. I felt tears come to my eyes.

_My hand clenches around the pill and begins to pull it up when I hear a loud bang. My arm falls limp and my pill falls to the ground, hopelessly lost to the darkness. I nearly collapse from the shock and pain. One of the Seekers runs toward me while his partner stands behind with his gun still pointed at me._

_I charge toward the two Seekers. They are so surprised by this that their reactions are slow. With my right arm still hanging and bleeding, I punch the first Seeker in the nose, making him cry out and fall back. The other is frantically trying to reload his gun. I knock him over, my height giving me distinct advantage as I grab his throat and begin to strangle him._

_There is a slight scuffle from behind that I barely hear before I am knocked to the side, rolling on my bad arm. The pain is almost unbearable. I try to get up, but I am suddenly aware of a cloud of mist on my face, one that smells like raspberries..._

And then...nothing.


	2. Questioned

**AN: Chapter 2 took a bit longer than expected, but most of that was due to the holiday. I hope everyone had as wonderful a vacation as I did!**

**Tons of thanks go to my awesome betas, bookish327 and Elessar1201. They worked around all of our busy schedules to give some great help. Thanks, girls!**

**Of course I don't own any of this. Stephenie Meyer gets all the credit.

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When the memory ended, I slowly became aware of my surroundings.

I felt very big. In contrast with Pet's body, even Melanie's, Ian was gigantic. The rise and fall of my – Ian's – chest was such a monumental movement. Yet, at the same time, it felt completely natural. This was the way his body had always been breathing. I knew this instantly, and almost didn't think of it. Strangely, I was getting used to changing bodies within a species.

I also felt very tense; with the slightest warning, I knew I could jump to my feet and be ready to defend myself. It was part of how alert Ian was used to being. I was uneasy having my eyes closed, naturally wanting to survey the room to discern any danger. My ears strained for the smallest sound, so it was easy to hear every word being said in the room.

"Do you think he'll be able to tell us anything?"

"What if he wasn't alone? There could be more."

"Where would they be?"

"How could they have hidden for so long?"

The voices around me continued chattering, speculating on the existence of wild humans. I was fervently glad that they didn't realize the existence of wild souls.

"You may question him, but please remember that he has been through quite an ordeal. Please try to be understanding."

The voices continued to discuss my health, so I turned my attention to Ian. He must be terrified.

_Ian?_

I didn't hear anything from him, but he had to be here.

_Ian? Are you there?_

No answer. I went searching for him, and came in contact with walls stronger than any Melanie had ever put up against me.

_No, Ian! Don't shut me out! It's me, Wanda._

He wasn't listening. I could feel his presence, but he was so guarded against me that he couldn't hear what I was saying to him. Nor could I find anything. If I hadn't known him, I wouldn't have even been able to discover his name. His mind was an impenetrable fortress.

I was amazed at his strength. He wasn't able to completely hide the tenor of his emotions, so I could sense his fear and anxiety, but his mind was closed. There were no memories, nothing after that final chase.

_Please, Ian, I can't do this alone. You have to help me._

There was no response. I lay for several minutes, trying to coax some kind of reaction from him, but whatever he was thinking about, I couldn't tell.

"Shouldn't he be awake by now?" asked one of the voices in the room.

"Here, this will help him."

I smelled something being sprayed in my face. I knew what that was; it was the smell of grapefruit from Awake. Even though I was already awake, I felt my mind become clearer as the medicine worked its way into my new, strong body. I couldn't pretend to sleep any longer. I'd have to talk to them and hope my lying skills had improved_._

Slowly, I let my eyes blink open. The room was bright to me, and I squinted until my eyes adjusted. The four Seekers and two Healers were all still there, standing in a loose cluster.

Taking a deep breath, I moved to sit up, drawing their concern.

"You should be careful, Ruffles in the Sun," one of the Healers, a woman, said. I nearly corrected her on the name until I remembered that this was the name I had given her. Slips like that would get me and Ian killed.

She approached and put a hand behind my back, though I knew her slender form would never hold my new weight. "This body went through a lot last night," she told me.

"Last night?" I asked, and blinked in shock at hearing Ian's voice. My voice. The voice I loved above all others, speaking at my command. "I slept all night?"

The second Healer, a squat, sturdy man with a dark goatee, nodded. "We thought that would be best, given the strain put on the body."

"How do you feel?" the woman asked.

"Fine," I answered. One of the Seekers met my gaze with such intensity that I knew the interrogation would begin right way.

"His name was David Pearson," I continued, using the name I had thought of earlier. "He's twenty-seven and has been living in the mountains for the last six years. I...I can't access any more."

They all looked perplexed.

"Was he alone?" the tallest Seeker asked.

This was the hardest part. If I said yes, no matter what other information I gave them, they would kill Ian. If I said no, they would begin a search immediately.

"I'm...not sure. I don't think so, but he's blocking so much. He's very strong," I reminded them. That, at least, was true. I couldn't believe how well Ian was hiding from me.

"Can you tell where he was coming from?"

My focus was on diversion. I needed to lead them away from the humans that I knew about. Jeb and the others were south, on the way to Tucson. Nate and his group were stashed west, close to Lake Havasu, with Gale and Dan even farther. But east...there was nothing east.

"Mountains," I said. "He had a cabin. It's hard to tell, perhaps by the Superstition Mountains?" I named the large mountain range, giving them a very extensive search area. "I could perhaps get more information, but it will take time."

None of the Seekers liked that very much. They all made different faces that showed their impatience. I tried to look hopeful.

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to stay calm against their eagerness to destroy my family. "Working with wild humans is a difficult process. It would be beneficial, I think, for you to put together a team at the southern end of the mountains and begin a search. I will inform you if I learn any more information."

Thankfully, the Seekers were convinced that I knew how to handle a wild human and trusted my judgment enough to file out of the room. After all, why would I lie to them when I had offered to help? I was another soul like them. I turned to the Healers instead.

"Where is my other host body?"

The woman walked to the end of the room, where there was a curtain hanging. She moved with a powerful grace, like a dancer. I wondered if that's what the human before her had done.

"Here," she said, and pulled back the curtain to show my tiny, blond body lying on a cot. There were wires and tubes coming out of my arms.

The flood of emotions shocked me as it coursed through my body at the sight of the girl on the bed. I had to fight to stay in place instead of leaping across the room to take her in my arms. I wanted to hold her, protect her, and love her. Did Ian always feel this way when he looked at me?

Along with Ian's emotions were my impressions. It was so different to see myself through someone else's eyes. Was I really that small? Seen in Ian's eyes, I was a frail, puny little thing. I was surprised anyone could touch that body without breaking it.

The Healer was still talking to me and I quickly turned my attention back to her. "We can keep your body in this state for some time until you are ready to return to it."

The guilt I next felt was entirely my own. With the proper medicines and treatments they could preserve my body. If I could, I would get these things for Doc. Maybe they would help any future extractions we had to make.

I took a deep breath, determined to concentrate on the current situation. "Thank you, Crystal Cavern. May I stay here while I try to learn more from this host? I would prefer to keep my body close at hand."

The room was comfortable enough: a bed, a table, a TV. It would suffice for the short time I would be here.

"If you like," she said with a smile. "Good luck, Seeker."

The other Healer joined her as she walked past me with her elegant steps and, a moment later, I was alone.


	3. Comforted

**AN: I'm so sorry to all of you who have been waiting for this chapter. Life got…**_**demanding**_** I guess is the best word. I do plan to finish this (there are only two or three chapters left – depending on how much more I'm inspired).**

**FYI – I'm going on vacation and make no promises to read reviews and such, but I do promise to reply when I get back. Caribbean, here I come!!!**

**And of course, a bajillion thanks to my betas: bookish327 and Elessar1201. The two of them somehow beta'd this entire chapter in less than 24 hours. You go, girls!**

**Oh yeah. I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns everything.

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After the Seekers and Healers left, I settled back on the lumpy hospital bed. There was nothing to do now but wait until the hospital was quiet enough for me to sneak out. Jared and Melanie had given me forty-eight hours before they would head back to the caves, probably to blockade them. Or maybe even evacuate. They would have to leave, because the Seekers would surely come after them. Where would they go? So many people could get hurt because of me.

I was so afraid. All I could think about was the possibility and consequence of failure. I was terrified for myself, Ian, and all of my human family. Everyone would be forced out of their home, made to go back to the life of a vagabond, scavenging for food and shelter.

The stress was enough that I expected my body to be in lockdown. Were I still in Pet's body, I was sure I'd be nauseated and shaking from distress. However, I wasn't in Pet's body, I was in Ian's, and Ian's body knew how to deal with terror. I was alert, tense. It was a strange contrast, the fear with the vigilance. Ian wasn't as perfectly controlled in stressful situations as Jared, but he was infinitely better than I was. I was sure that he could handle the current situation without much problem.

Yes, he could handle it, but I wasn't getting any help from him. He still refused to talk to me. He was hunkered down inside his steel fortress of a mind.

_Please, Ian. Please don't do this. I don't think I can get out of here on my own. I need you._

Nothing.

Without Ian's help, I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed to get out of the hospital, but I didn't know anything about sneaking around. I remembered a few things from Melanie's life prior to meeting Jared, but my entire existence was based in a world of open, honest, and caring souls. I couldn't handle anything else on my own.

I stood up and started pacing. Back and forth I walked across the room, pausing every now and then to look out the window. It was still full light outside, and cars passed by every few seconds. I took a good look around for the first time. The town was small, with what looked like a small shopping district on the way to the residential area full of houses. I wondered where Jared and Melanie were right now. They might be keeping a close eye on the building for any suspicious activity, or maybe they were just waiting for me by the smokestacks that I could see in the distance.

I wanted so much to go find them right now. I felt so alone here, with Ian treating me like an enemy. I took deep breaths so that I wouldn't cry, but my situation began to look more hopeless by the minute. What I really needed was some comfort. Had we been home, Ian would have pulled me tight into his chest while I curled into a ball and cried. I sat back down on the bed and tried to curl up by pulling my legs into my chest and wrapping my huge arms around myself. The movement felt strange; it was not a position Ian was used to sitting in.

I rocked myself a little and tried to sort out what needed to be done. I hoped that concentrating on actual actions would calm me down. Instead, fear began escalating into panic.

Did I really think I could do this? Sneak out of a medical center in the middle of a populated city carrying a small girl in my arms? And when I got caught, then what? I would have given them both Ian and myself. I'd be shipped off the planet, almost certainly. They'd know I had lied to them. Ian would be killed. And then a real Seeker would be put in Pet's body. It was fragile, with no defenses. They'd see my memories, and know everything about Jared, Melanie, Jamie, and the others. The entire colony would be gone because I couldn't be strong and let Ian go.

That was really what it came down to. After nine lives, I had finally found my partner, and I wasn't giving him up without a fight.

My partner. That was a happier thought. I closed my eyes and rested my head on my knees while breathing deeply from Ian's scent. It was so strange how the smell of the body I was controlling calmed me down almost immediately. It reminded me of a happier time from not long ago.

_"Here, I've got that."_

_"It's not that heavy."_

_"For me. For you, I think it would take your arms off."_

_I pouted. Ian just winked at me and took the bundle of shovels I had been trying to carry to the storage room. The truth was, they had been awkward in my small arms, and I had red marks from the strain._

_"Don't push yourself, Wanda. You're going to get yourself hurt."_

_"But I want to help."_

_Ian shifted the weight of his load to one arm, pulled one of the shovels out of the bag, and handed it to me._

_"There. You're helping."_

_I grumbled a bit but otherwise let him lead down the hallway to the storage room. After depositing the shovels, we cleaned up in the river room before heading to dinner._

_On the way back, I brought up my favorite argument again._

_"We're starting to run out of soap," I said vaguely._

_Ian instantly knew where I was heading but didn't favor me with a reply. The only evidence that he had even heard me was that his fingers tightened slightly around mine._

_I trudged on. "Pasta, too. And the flour won't last much longer, either. We can't keep putting it off."_

_"You're not going, Wanda."_

_"But why? Ian, this is what I'm good at."_

_"Maybe Sunny could go."_

_I snorted. "She'd be scared stiff. I doubt we'll even get her to let Kyle go."_

_"I don't want you out there, Wanda." His voice was rough, like he was holding back some strong emotion. It almost sound like fear was layered over the usual confidence of his voice. What could possibly make Ian O'Shea afraid of a raid?_

_I stopped just before the entrance to the common room, pulling him to face me. No matter what the reason was for his fear, I had to reassure him. "It will be fine," I said soothingly._

_He looked straight into my eyes, the blue in his eyes was deep, earnest and fearful; the intensity of it held me in place. "I just got you back," he said, quiet as a whisper. "Can't we have some time before throwing ourselves back into danger?"_

_"Ian..." I pleaded. _

_He didn't let me finish. He cupped his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to meet his. It was a short, sweet kiss. It sent shivers up my spine and put butterflies in my stomach._

_"There," he whispered. "Hungry?"_

_The argument wasn't over – yet – but dinner seemed like a good idea._

_Ian took my hand and led me to the kitchen, where most people were already finishing up. To my surprise, I saw Jamie in the back, cleaning the oven. He didn't usually have kitchen duty._

_"Jamie? What are you doing?"_

_He pulled a dirty head out of the oven to smile at me. "Hey, Wanda, Ian. I got detention." He seemed almost cheered by this idea._

_Ian chuckled. "What for?"_

_"Talking back," Jamie answered, smiling wider. "I told Sharon she was working the algebra problem wrong, and she didn't like the fact that I was right."_

_Ian laughed even harder, but I scowled. It wasn't right that Jamie should get in trouble for being smart. I had a feeling Sharon did it partly to get to me, and that made me feel guilty. Jamie shouldn't get more work because Sharon hated me so much._

_"Don't worry about it, Wanda. I don't mind cleaning, and it was worth it to see Sharon's face."_

_I decided to let it drop for now but was determined to find a way to correct the situation later. Ian and I grabbed plates of corn, beans, rolls, a bag of chips, and a candy bar before taking seats in the dining area. The only people left were Doc, Sharon, and Maggie. Doc would have come to talk with us, but Sharon was monopolizing his attention while keeping an eye on Jamie._

_"I guess we took pretty long, huh?" I said, looking around the empty room._

_Ian shrugged. "That dirt needed to be aired; we had to make sure we finished."_

_"But it would have taken half as much time if I wasn't so slow." It was insanely frustrating sometimes to be in this weak body._

_"You're doing a great job," he said with a smile. "It's not your fault Jamie picked a little body. Personally, I think it's perfect."_

_"Hmm..." I grumbled but didn't argue further as we finished our meal and headed into the hallway._

_There was a small exodus occurring in the common room. The mass of people was trickling out of the hall leading to the game room, most carrying bedding._

_I walked over to intercept Jared and Melanie, who were both hauling their double mattress._

_"Mel? What's going on?" I asked._

_"It hasn't rained in three weeks," she answered. "We're taking our chances and quitting that community sleeping hole." She winked at me. I knew that Melanie had thought the public sleeping arrangement less than desirable._

_Ian came up behind me. "You aren't worried about getting wet?"_

_"We'll survive" Jared declared. "Come on, Mel." Jared was trying to hide his smile, but I had a pretty good idea what he was thinking._

_Suddenly, I was very nervous. I started breathing heavily and my palms got sweaty. I had a hard time looking up to Ian as he asked, "What do you think, Wanda?"_

_My eyes followed Paige and Andy as they made their way up the hallway; they too seemed relieved to have privacy again. "Um...yeah."_

_What could I say to him? I had known that sometime soon the rains would end and then Ian and I would relocate to our own room, but somehow the prospect seemed terrifying now. I didn't feel ready to take that step. Did he? We hadn't really talked about it. I knew nothing of Ian's history, and I was suddenly obsessed with it. What was he used to? What would he think of this young, fragile body?_

_How could I have let this happen to myself? It was barely two months ago that I felt hindered by the public sleeping area, just like Melanie. But leaving it was taking a step into the unknown, and I didn't know what to do._

_Ian took my hand carefully and I hoped he didn't notice that it was clammy. He must have felt the tension that I did, for we barely spoke or looked at each other as we carried our bedding from the game room to the room with the red and gray doors._

_He placed the mattress on the floor, and I followed it with the pillows and blanket. Then we stood there._

_After a moment, I swallowed loudly and forced myself to look up at Ian's face. He was watching me closely._

_"Wanda? Are you okay?"_

_I nodded, unable to speak._

_He reached his hand out to cup my cheek, his eyes penetrating mine._

_"Wanda, it's all right, we...don't have to do anything tonight."_

_"No, Ian, I...I'm sorry, I've just...never done this before." My memories of Melanie's memories didn't count._

_He smiled at me. "It's okay. I understand. Come on, you're tired." He started to pull me to the bed, clearly thinking all we would do was sleep._

_He was missing the point. It wasn't that I didn't want to love him, I just didn't know how. Reaching for that desire to show him how much he meant to me, I started with what I knew, reaching up to pull him down to kiss me. When I thought he might pull away, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip. He still pulled away but looked at me with surprise._

_"Wanda, are you sure you want to do this?"_

_I nodded. "Yes, just..." How did I convey my fears to him?_

_"Don't be afraid," he answered. Ian always somehow knew what I was thinking. "I will be very gentle."_

_My stomach was full of butterflies again, but not the kind to make me shy, the kind to warm my skin all the way down into my bones. Knowing that Ian understood made my fears go away._

_I stretched slowly onto my tiptoes and kissed him softly. He responded by stroking my cheek with one hand, while the other moved to the small of my back, pulling me closer to him._

_After a long moment, his hands moved, one to tangle in my hair, while the other sneaked slowly under my shirt to rub my back. Completely of their own accord, my hands removed themselves from his neck, tracing their way down his chest to the hem of his shirt. I think I had intended to simply mimic his massaging of my back, but Ian surprised me by pulling away just long enough for me to take off his shirt. _

_I wasn't sure who did it, but one of us removed my shirt as well so that it could join his on the floor._

_Ian's hands pulled me close again, but instead of kissing my lips, his mouth moved down my neck and across to the tip of my shoulder. His ear was right next to my face, and I took the opportunity to whisper to him._

_"I love you." It was all I could think to say._

_He moved slowly to look me in the eyes. His midnight eyes were on fire in a way I had never seen before. They were excited, tender, and joyful all at the same time._

_"I love you," he told me, and a huge smile spread across my face before he lowered me gently to the mattress._

_I woke up at some point in the middle of the night. I could just barely see three stars through the tiny hole in the ceiling. Ian was, of course, sprawled out across our tiny mattress, and I was curled up with my head on his bare chest._

_I had never been so perfectly comfortable in all of my ten lives. My eyes closed as I breathed deeply, taking in Ian's scent mixed with the creosote that lingered in the air._

_I ran my hands along the skin of his stomach, turning to look at his face. It was peaceful in sleep. Somehow, in the midst of everything, the two of us had found joy in each other. Smiling at him, I placed a small kiss on his chest._

_He stirred, his eyes blinking open as his arms came around me._

_"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to wake you up."_

_Ian smiled up at me. "I don't mind at all. Is everything all right?"_

_"Perfect," I answered. It wasn't completely a lie; things were perfect, despite the soreness I could feel that had nothing to do with gardening._

_Ian moved his hands to my shoulders and then traced his fingers down my sides, past my waist, and across my thighs. I shivered at his touch as he leaned in to kiss me._

_"Good."_

Again?_ I thought. Well, if he didn't object, I certainly wasn't going to. I might be a bit sore, but it would be worth it. It looked like we might miss breakfast in the morning. I silently prayed that Jamie would be smart enough to not come looking for us._

The memory had to end somewhere, and I was disappointed to have to return to the empty hospital room. I was unwilling to open my eyes to what I knew were unpleasant surroundings. The cool air from the air conditioner and the stiff sheets on the mattress reminded me that I wasn't home and that dreaming of the caves would not be enough to take me there. However, the memory had served its purpose of calming my nerves, so I turned my thoughts to the task at hand: saving Ian's life.


End file.
